I would like to introduce you to the reason I accidentally flashed the postman and nearly vomited. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, of Harry Potter fame.
Being a Harry Potter fan for years and having grown up alongside Harry, Ron and Hermione I always wished that certain elements of the books and films could spill over into real life.
I was lucky enough to be sent to a boarding school in a remote location in Scotland with four boarding houses and Quidditch (ones of those may not be true) however that was as far as the comparisons went.
I grew up wishing I had an invisibility cloak that I could use to sneak around the school when everyone else would be tucked up in bed and hoping that Centuars lived in the forrest but one thing I have never wished for was Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans to exist, the chocolate frogs yes but good old Bertie can keep his beans!
That being said however, I found the door being knocked on at an unreasonable time in the morning. A mixture of intrigue and the horrible thought that if it was the postman and I didn’t get up I would have to venture to the sorting office to get the mystery package led me to wrap the nearest blanket around myself and head to the door.
I suspected that my step-mum was sending me something because she had asked for my address a few days before, I have lived there for two years and this was the first time she had asked. I was expecting a note saying they had moved house and no new address, or something equally as evil step-mother-like (I would just like to point out that she isn’t actually evil but as she is a step-mother I am allowed to joke). However, I was handed a small package by a postman who seemed to admire my green spotted blanket.
I took the package with glee and headed back to bed, ripping open the package to find a packet of jelly beans with a note attached that read ‘enjoy – but be careful as there really is every flavour!’ I wish I had learned how to recognise good advice at Hogwarts.
That night I sat on my bed and sorted the packet into colours, just like I do when I eat Smarties or Skittles, and proceeded to nibble half of each type and coercing my poor, unfortunate girlfriend into eating the other half.
Much to her disgust I sat reading the leaflet that described each bean while forcing her to eat soap, vomit, bogey and sausage flavour, wanting to be sick while also wanting to see how each tasted. Among the very, very bad were some also quite nice ones. Grapefruit, sherbert lemon and green apple all being very tasty.
I am now banned from giving my girlfriend sweets.
Alas, earwax. Dumbledore had a right to show some caution over these sweets and I certainly learned my lesson.
After trying every flavour I hurriedly wrapped the blanket around myself and ran to the toilet in the fear of losing my stomach contents. As my girlfriend seemed to admire my blanket I looked down and realised that it wasn’t the blanket the postman had seemed so interested in.
Well hopefully that means none of my post will ever get lost again!

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