If being gay was a choice, knowing what you know now, would you choose to be gay?

This was a question put to me by my girlfriend. We had just been talking about how I’m absolutely the biggest lesbian she’s ever met because I bought tickets to see Uh Huh Her and was dragging her along with me (she loved it).

I didn’t even have to think about my answer. No. Hell no. I would never in a million years have chosen this life for myself.

I could have done two things when I realised I was gay, I could have suppressed my feelings and ultimately ended up depressed or suicidal, which is a road too many people go down, or I could be the gayest person on the planet.

I chose the second one. I surrounded myself with lesbian pop culture. I bought all the music and box sets and surrounded myself with things that might make me look normal.

The L Word became my safety blanket, when I felt that I wasn’t normal I would put in one of the DVDs and watch my feelings normalised on screen. Girls would hold hands with each other, and a hell of a lot more on that show, and I would feel like it was ok to be gay.

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My music taste and bookshelf quickly reflected what I was trying to see in the world around me. I had to hear girls singing about girls, I had to devour pages filled with descriptions of my own feelings. I had to feel ok.

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As my girlfriend told me, I’m pretty damn gay owning all that.

I’m happy with the life I have right now. I love my girlfriend, my family are so supportive of who I am. My mum got angry at a homophobic blog! But I still wouldn’t choose this, maybe one day things will get better. I know they are better for me now than they were for the younger me that first picked up that L Word box set but it isn’t good enough yet. I still encounter homophobia on a daily basis, I can’t marry the girl I love, I’m still made to feel like I’m not normal by the world.

I campaign for LGBT rights because I have to see things get better so that maybe one day coming to terms with your sexuality won’t be an issue for teenagers because they will be accepted as normal straight away.

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