It was brought to my attention while doing another monotonous supermarket shift in my effort to pay some bills that I say sorry far too much. I said sorry to one of my collegues seven times in the space of about two minutes because I accidentally used his printer instead of my own, I knocked something over, I took too long to use his handset and the list goes on.

After he got rather frustrated at me for apologising so much and he asked me to stop what did I do? That’s right. I said sorry.

I then remembered walking down the street and bumbing into a lamp post. I apologised to the lamp post. I apologise to my stuffed animals when I’ve left them lying on my floor and I accidentally step on them (yes at twenty years old I still own stuffed animals). I apologise to thin air when I burn toast and set the fire alarm off.

I am an apology-addict.

Except for the times when it matters.

Did I actually mean any of the apologies from above? The work mistakes were common things that everyone does and noone apologises for. The lamp post and the air don’t need my apologies. I might have meant the apologies to my stuffed animals but we’ve been through a lot together. But even though I am addicted to apologising (my name is Stefani and I’m an apologyholic) I just can’t apologise when I need to.

I’m stubborn so while I will apologise to thin air for burning toast I can’t for the life of me apologise when it matters because in reality the words have lost their meaning.

I need new words to say I’m sorry when I really mean it. From here on I am in search of a word or two that I can use when I do something horrible and awful and have to apologise (this will probably be used mostly towards my understanding girlfriend who knows that no matter how many times I grumpily snap at her I won’t apologise unless I burn the toast or step on Floppy the Rabbit). This new word(s) can be real words or made up ones. Jam jar. Apolositations. Just a few examples.

I am also going to stop being such an apology-addict when I don’t mean it.

Damn. I just kicked my bag. And apologised to it.